Whoever said, “The Times They Are A Changing!” must have seen the COVID crisis coming but as usual, there have been a few good jokes doing the rounds to cheer us up.
Here are several I liked: Went to this restaurant called The Kitchen. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meals. I have no idea how this place is still in business!; Does anybody know if we can take showers yet or do we just keep washing our hands? I’m so excited – it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear? and Home schooling’s on again and one of my little monsters just phoned in a bomb threat!
On the sporting fields – Oh Boy! The AFL is going through what has to be the biggest upheaval ever! To begin with there are now NO teams based in Melbourne and there are NO games being played there either! Because of the second wave of COVID sweeping Victoria, all the teams have re-located to somewhere else (Queensland, Adelaide and Perth) and that also goes for the two teams in Sydney who, because of COVID fears, have been re-located to north Queensland. The Mighty St Kilda are for instance, based in Noosa but safe in the knowledge that having trained hard on the Moorabbin goat track, every other field will be a doddle to play on and they’re now high in the top four!
And if that’s not enough for fans to get their heads around, Victoria actually passed legislation in their Parliament some years ago to make sure the AFL Grand Final had to be played at the MCG, but it now looks a cert that the 2020 Grand Final will be played in either Brisbane or Perth. Also, there is no season draw available. The AFL is putting it out in dribs and drabs because they have no idea who might be available because of COVID and to make up time, the new draw will see teams playing matches every four days! Whoever wins this season is going to earn it! Hoodathought!
Baseball in the Hew Hess Of Hay has just begun and Dr Fauci (the US Chief Medical Officer) who has had a couple of run-ins with Big Orange (who, just for the record, wanted to treat COVID by having folk drink disinfectant) threw out the first ceremonial pitch at a game and it did not go well. Do you recall our cricket tragic PM John Howard visiting our troops in the Middle East years ago? Well, they’d set up a cricket pitch and invited Howard to open the bowling. It didn’t go well either and he dropped it a tad short and it almost bounced up and hit him on the nose? Well, the best that could be said for Dr Fauci’s pitch was it socially distanced itself from everything ending up crossing the foul line closer to first base than home plate!
In this time of change (or might that read lunacy) I need to also report the NFL team The Washington Redskins have been shamed into changing their name because some “sensitive people” feel it is a derogatory reference to native Americans. This year they will be known simply as The Washington Football Team and will remain that until they can decide on a new name. You’d have to think of course, that with that change several other teams in the NFL might now begin to feel similar pressure: The Kansas City Chiefs, The Atlanta Braves and The Cleveland Indians for instance. The lunatics ARE in charge of the asylum!
In Oz of course, The Parramatta Eels, The Sydney Roosters, The Canterbury Bulldogs, The Manly Sea Eagles, The Penrith Panthers and The South Sydney Rabbitohs might all have to think about a change of their names if the Animal Liberation Army are emboldened by efforts in the US and step up their pressure here. Are we that mad?
I tried to find out what was happening with The Cross-Country Wrestlers but their web site is as clear as mud! After many attempts though, I did discover the NSW Blues were recently thrashed by The Melbourne Rebels! By all the saints of NSW Rugby (the Thornett brothers, the Ella Brothers and even Nick Farr-Jones) how far can a side from the Great State of NSW fall if it’s beaten not just by a cricket score, but also by a team from Melbourne! Thankfully, I didn’t watch it. I was engaged in something far more important: I was flossing my ear lobes.
And that brings me to Soccer here in Oz. I have no idea where (in this time of COVID) the teams are actually based or when they play but their web site is quite accessible and it appears Sydney FC is on top and doing it in a canter, though I think they were beaten a couple of nights ago. Can they hang on is the question?
And further to possible name changes here in Oz I’d think The Canberra Raiders will probably have to change their name as it sends the wrong message to children as it refers to those Nordic bandits who raped and pillaged their way across the British landscape eons ago. In the spirit of Political Correctness, perhaps they could be renamed The Canberra Condoms and so play their part in protecting us from the you-know-whats in Parliament House!
Talk at you next month,
The Hillside Critic